As I sit here eating my breakfast I am drawn to thinking about my post from yesterday. (IF you missed it, please take a moment to scroll down and take a short read. ) I was thinking about judgement and forgiveness and how all of this has affected so much of my life. All of my relationships have been affected by judgement and forgiveness. Every single one of them. As I realize how much of this thought is true, I wonder how many others in my life have been affected as I have been. I wonder, if all of my friends, children, spouse, cousins, siblings, step siblings, Aunts, uncles, parents, and who ever I come in contact with have ever thought about how they are judging others. I can not tell you how much this one thing has affected everything I am thinking of. Did I judge some one because of something someone else said? Did I judge someone because I choose to not pay attention? Did I judge someone because I thought that my way was the only way? The truth of the matter is that I did not live any of those persons life. I have not lived in their body’s and minds their whole life. I have not had the experiences that they have lived. So who am I to judge ANYONE? Be it family, friend or foe. So I challenge everyone, take a serious look at who you are judging? Did you chat with that person to get their side of the story? Were you in their realm while they were making the decision. Is it OK to let them live the life they are choosing? How is it that others decisions are truly affecting you? Are you the one doing the judging and putting “words in their mouth” (so to speak). This last weekend was groundbreaking for me. What a gift I have been given to truly see how it was my judgement of everyone around me that shaped so much of my life, and that it was in my power all along to change it. How much easier my life would have been if I had realized this sooner. So, take a look at you, yes, it will be difficult, have that honest conversation with yourself, and accept the answer you are given. And then forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for what you did not know, for what you have just learned and remember, We are all on a journey. One filled with bumps and bruises and breaks, but through it all Love is always there. From places that are sometimes quite unexpected.
So, I just returned home from my High School Class reunion. Now I’m not gonna lie. I was a tad apprehensive to go to this . But I had not been back since the first one, and to be honest, that first one felt much like high school as it seemed the cliques were still very apparent. Without letting everyone know what my age is, it has been many many years since that very first class reunion. I must say, I have evolved so much since that very first reunion and I have learned A TON!! So, back in High School, there was the Jocks, and the Greasers and the ones in the middle. I was very much in the middle group, as were 90 percent of my classmates. Now, as I graduated, then moved into being a wife and mother lots of things began to shape my life. High school was one that was a huge thing always in the back of my mind. I always felt less than. For years I thought that it was because of everyone else. I felt the way I did because Everyone else made me feel that way. Boy was I in for a huge eye opener, one that was filled with awakening, sorrow and complete shock!! I have been learning, and learning and learning more. Personal Development has become my mantra. Or should I say awakening has become my mantra! The past few years I have learned about forgiveness, and acceptance and being OK with me. Just me. Imagine my surprise when I go to a class reunion, with absolutely no expectations and walk away with a huge epiphany. I went into my reunion with the thought that I have made a ton of changes in myself so who am I to say that no one else has not had the same changes? So off I go. AND I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME, and I learned so much in such a very short time. Self discovery is a hard pill to swallow when I had been in complete denial of my role of negative feelings while in my teen years. But then comes the joy. So here is what I discovered……Guess who the judgemental, conceited and bitchy one was during High School? ME. ALL ME. COMPLETELY ME. Who was I to judge who was going thru what? Evidently I thought I was pretty important. And have thought that for quite some time. Talk about taking me off of my pedestal. Took me down all the way actually. Here I was thinking, I really don’t have anything in common with any of those people. Well guess what? Those people had their own demons that they were trying to get rid of and are some of the nicest people I have met. I was humbled when those that I thought had no clue who I was gave me huge hugs. I was humbled when they all remembered me. Me, insignificant little ole me. and many were interested in what I said. Talk about an eye opening experience. I was so incredibly humbled by everyone in attendance. This morning as I was driving back to my home, it hit me. It was never ever ever any one else being judgemental. It was all me. I was the one judging everyone. I was judging them and putting thoughts into my head. Thoughts that had absolutely no truth to them. And I have been living those thoughts for years. So now as I progress in this thing I call life, I am honored to say that I graduated from High School with some pretty amazing people. I am so completely sorry for the thoughts that I put into their voices that they did not even say. I am learning. Learning about Forgiveness of myself, for if I cant forgive myself for stupid unknown things that I have done how can I forgive ANY one else? So I have done this thing and now I understand that judgement truly comes from myself first. Not from the innocent people that I thought were my nemesis. I’m sorry for the judgements that I made that were completely false. For the lies I told myself over and over. Moving forward Judgement is becoming less and less. It is leaving my awareness and I am moving on with this wonderful beauty that I call life. And learning that the Jocks, the Greasers and th emiddles are just all trying to navigate this journey of life.