Confidence

Confidence.  It is a funny thing, is it not?  Many people have told me, “You are so confident in what you do.”  I have heard, “I wish I was as confident as you are!”  Boy, It is so nice to know that others think I am a confident human being.  Because for years, even though I projected such great confidence, it was, in truth, a mask.  One that was worn every single day.  And one that I would take off the moment I was alone with my own thoughts.  You see, I had to project out what I thought the world needed for me to be a good human being.  Not what I truly needed.  So I have lived my life, with the confidence mask on, letting people think, Wow, she is so confident in everything she does.  I allowed this to integrate into every part of my life.  With my family, with my friends, with my colleagues.  I allowed all sorts of people to literally take advantage of me.  Now here is the truly sad part of this whole thing, I did not know any better.  I thought I was what I was designed to do.  Then comes the AHA moment.  When I realize that I don’t have to do what I thought was the RIGHT thing.  Because what is the RIGHT thing?  I have found in my journey that it changes.  The RIGHT thing 2 days ago is no longer the right thing today.  I have had to learn to accept that sometimes, no, in fact all the time, my RIGHT Thing changes.

Today is a great example of all of this.  I have been on this health journey along with this intuitive journey.  Honestly, the intuitive journey has been easier than the Health Journey.  Here is why.  To gain better health, I have had to relearn what to eat.  I am a firm believer that the foods we eat make a direct impact on every part of our bodies.  Both intuitively and physically.  So I have been, since February of this year, embarking on this Code Red lifestyle.  If you don’t know about it, check it out, they are on Facebook.  It has been amazing to me that I can decrease my weight and still enjoy many of the foods that I so love!  I had a pretty big stall in the weight loss portion of this  program.  I could not figure out what in the heck I was doing wrong.  I was doing everything that the coaches told us to do….so I thought…   Well, I have been within the same 5 pounds for a couple of months.  I was getting very discouraged!!  So, this week I broke through, I am officially down 45 pounds.  I am very proud of myself.  But this breakthrough got me to thinking, why now?  What have I done differently?  When the answer hit me I was as shocked as I think I have ever been.  Confidence!!  CONFIDENCE!! Did I say Confidence.  You see as I grew up, I was always told, eat what is placed before you.  There are people starving in Africa, so you should eat everything on your plate.  And if you get 2nds….you had better eat every single bit of it.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!  So as I am continuing on this Health journey, yes I was losing some pounds,  but I was also eating every single thing that I put before me.  I told myself every single day that I had to eat what I put before me.  After-all, I am the one who placed that food before me.  After all, I cooked it!!  What a revelation to myself that I literally don’t have to do that.  AND I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE FEBRUARY….IT IS AUGUST!!  So why has my mind shifted?  I have been learning, lots.  Intuition is an ongoing process for me (and that is a whole different post.)  Slowly, very slowly I am learning, taking away those old patterns, relearning to listen to my body in all things, meditating, and  being still.  I am going through a metamorphosis, and some that I have loved my whole life do not like it.  They don’t understand what is going on with me.  I am not conforming to the old ways.  I am becoming more confident in who I truly am.  I am becoming more confident in what I am.  I am embracing it all.  And as of today, I can say I am doing the RIGHT THING.  I asked my self a question this morning, and will meditate on it most of the day….that question….Why do I think I am here, on this earth?  What is the purpose?  And when I get my answer, I will know that what ever it is I can lean into it with Confidence knowing that it is truly the RIGHT THING for me.  I love myself first.  Always and forever!!